Feeling yucky and it's raining...

Last week I had the A/C on in the car...today I'm back wearing flannel pajamas. I wish Mother Earth would make up her mind about spring. 80 percent chance of rain today, thunderstorms tomorrow, and 25 percent chance of rain the rest of the week. Of course that doesn't mean it will rain, but whatever...

My sinuses are all clogged up, plus I'm (at times) hacking up a lung. I dislike those illnesses that make it uncomfortable to function yet you can still function. Does that make sense? I'm not in bed, just feeling yucky!

So, nothing on my spring break list gets done due to rain. My windows are so atrociously dirty....they will have to wait a week or two. I did get a new fern planted and some white bocapa. Much more to do though.

Jessica's appointment for wisdom teeth removal is the Friday of Memorial weekend. Trying to figure out a schedule to have that done was horrendous. The Dr. is a reservist and will be gone for a few weeks, plus he has two offices and we would like to have the surgery done at the closer office. In addition, we had to work around Jessica's SAT subject tests, ACT tests, and STAR testing. So, it was decided to have them out after school is over. I'm hoping the swelling and bruising are gone before we go to NYC.

Camping season has begun for Andrew's Boy Scout troop. Plus, they have at least one major hike planned a month. He told me he will start planning his Eagle Project this summer, to be completed around this time next year. He's motivated because we told him no driver's license or job until the project is completed, and that is one boy who wants to drive. All he talks about his cars...and his favorite new tv show is called World's Most Expensive Rides.

Joe is going to work today, but will be off starting tomorrow. Even with the rain I'm sure I can find a few spring cleaning chores for him to do :-)

Spring Break!

Yeah! A whole week off from school and work. This last week we have been experiencing the kind of weather that makes me love living in Northern California...high 60's, low 70's, perfectly slightly breezy days...just beautiful! However, two new storms are supposed to swamp the region starting Tuesday. It figures. I don't think of my self as naturally pessimistic, but that's how it seems to be rolling for me lately.

The principal handed me my pink slip yesterday, although I knew it was coming. I'll miss the people I work with as well as some of the students. I have to say, though, I'm looking forward to working less hours with little kids who are nice and sweet. I might be bored to death, but I think overall it will be a good change.

So, what am I going to do with all my free time? First, I'm going to take the summer off from my schoolwork to re-evaluate the direction I am heading in. The last six months I have questioned the end result, and now I'm handed the perfect opportunity to take the time to decide exactly what it is I want. It's funny, though, I'm almost 42 and still trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up. Second, I'm going to get my sewing machine out (in June) and finish a quilt top that's been sitting for a year and a half, and two hand bags that have been around for a year!

I'm taking the kids up to the mall today. Jessica needs some dress slacks and nice blouse for job/college interviews. Plus, as ASB President she will be heading to the school district office at least once a month and she needs to look nice. I think we'll stop at the Loft and Macy's. They have beautiful clothes for petite women. Andrew is just growing out of everything. I can't keep up with that kid! At least his shoe size has stabilized for this brief moment in time. Joe will stay home and clean his office (do you blame him?). We won't be gone long.

Wonderful weekend!

Okay, so there's not so much wonderful going on...but it will be in the low 70's with nary a cloud in sight!!

To my chagrin, the six page art paper has not written itself yet. All the esp I'm using is not working :-( I guess I will just have to put pen to paper soon. At least I have a week, the problem is the weather. How can I possibly stay inside and write when I want to be outside doing absolutely nothing?

Counting the days to Spring Break! One more week, then an actual WEEK OFF. No work, no school, all nothing. Those are the kind of weeks I like!! Of course the not-so-silent pessimist in me thinks it will probably rain the one week I have nothing to do. Oh well, that means one week of non-stop reading (see? I win either way).

Jessica has Junior Prom tomorrow night. I'm hoping to have pictures to post.

Okay, I'm done for the night. My brain needs a break from thinking....

And Life Goes On....

I found out for sure that I will be laid off at the end of the school year. It's a bummer to be sure, but I have the option to go back to my old job. It's only three hours a day with no benefits, but I liked working with the younger kids and had a fantastic boss.

I have a few other options that aren't so great. One is unemployment, which seems weird. I really liked being at home with the kids, but the kids aren't really at home any more, and I don't want to be either.

Another option is to become a full-inclusion aide working with high-needs children, such as those with down syndrome or in wheelchairs. The problem is that you never know who you will have to work with, and it can change almost daily. I might be stepping on someone's toes here, but I don't want to change diapers of teenagers or wipe noses of constantly sick kids. Not my cup of tea.

The last option is to work with emotionally disturbed kids. So not want to do this. I work with these kids on a limited basis now and find it utterly exhausting and frustrating.

My favorite option is to slide back into my old position. It's funny because after I left a good friend took a job there, then another friend, plus two more after them, so it's not like I'm walking into a situation where I don't know anyone. And, more importantly, I left on good terms (no burning bridges). I just wanted a change.

The very best news is that I won't be rushed anymore, and will have boatloads of more time. I love that!

On a different, but more interesting, note...I love how Joe knows me so well he is able to verbalize the internal workings of my mind in a way that I am unable to.

Almost spring...

The trees have been flowering and some already have little green buds. I love this time of year in Sacramento. Bailey and I went for a four mile run after work. It was just the perfect mix of sun and breeze. Loved it! Next Monday is supposed to be 72. This means I will be putting away my warmest winter sweaters and pulling out some summer stuff.

Jessica takes the SAT on Saturday and I take the CSET. Busy day for both of us. Spring break can't get here fast enough...I really need a break!

Life in General

As I contemplate the probable loss of my job the stress I've been feeling for the last year and a half is actually lifted. I set off on a journey to fulfill what has been one of my dreams, to finish my undergraduate degree. Now that I am near the end of my undergraduate degree choices are upon me that need to be made. What kind of credential should I work toward? Should I try for an internship? Should I keep my current job and at some point quit to do my student teaching? Should I combine my masters degree with the credential? Do I really want to do this at all?

The natural progression seems to have me heading towards a teaching credential. While I do believe I am made for the classroom I have reservations about the timing. Fortuitous it is that now it's quite possible I will be laid off. Then the questions increase tenfold. Most likely I will be able to slide seamlessly back into the position I had before this one. Three hours a day with no benefits. Loss of benefits are fine, Joe has them, but I've been working with one mindset for so long that now when this is thrown into the mix it adds a dimension I just don't want to think about.

One of my mental blocks is the fact that Jessica will be a senior in high school next year. The last year she will live at home...do I really want to be working full time and going to school full time? I can easily answer that 'NO', but part of me says to not stop. The last time I stopped it took me four years to start back up again, but I must remember I only get one shot at this job called parenting.

This is not to say I won't continue, I might, but it makes me reconsider my previous decisions. Maybe I should be looking at this probably layoff as a blessing in disguise. Just think, more time to clean the house, go to the grocery store, exercise, maybe sew, and....more time to do homework.

What if I'm one of those people addicted to school? We all know them, they seem to always be going yet never accomplishing anything. I think I just have to much being thrown at me right now, that making an effective decision is almost impossible.

Can it be my time while it's still their time?